He Fucked the Girl Out of Me is a semi-fictionalized autobiographical story about my experiences with trauma and sex work. It’s semi-fictional because it would be too painful and messy for me to write about otherwise. If you are looking for AAA gaming, then it would be better to look elsewhere.
When I made this game, I expected 100% of people to hate me. Instead, what happened was many people wrote to me telling me how much the game meant to them. The game ended up being featured in museums and conferences around the world and even won awards.
It was shocking to me to have people care and to be accepted by others.
I never thought I would ever get to feel like a normal person ever again, but since releasing this game I have found that acceptance. Despite the uncomfortable things in this game, I still think there is value in it existing. I am very grateful to anyone who is willing to play this game.
This is a Game Boy narrative game. I consider it to be a visual novel but others have considered it an adventure game. I used Electron to turn it into a standalone game for personal computers. It is approximately 40 minutes long. After a certain point there was nothing more worth saying. The truth about fucked up things is that, after being repeated enough, they lose their impact and become pointless suffering.
If you are a gamer, then you understand the impulse to escape to virtual worlds. If you’re like me, you play games to have fun. There are zero fun elements in this game. The fact is, making this game was an act of desperation. The pain from shame was destroying my mental health.
I couldn’t talk about the things that were hurting me and that made everything worse.
The best way to overcome shame is to be open about whatever you are ashamed of. I didn’t have the courage to say it out loud, so I made it into a game.
Some people have told me that I am brave for making this game. I just wanted to make the pain stop. I thought, I’ll make a game, just once, and “Ann” can say the things I don’t feel brave enough to say. If the game was played enough, then I’d be unable to go back to hiding in shame again. The game would just be out there.
I’ve realized that a game doesn’t have to be fun or escapist to have value. Games can have value on their own as art in their own right. As a game designer and a human being, if you think you would be able to safely play this game then it would mean the world to me if you’d consider trying it.
The game is free. None of the DLC is required to experience the game. It’s a way for you to support the game if you want.
Controls:
Keyboard:
- Action Button = Space Bar
- Movement = Arrow Keys
X-Input:
- Action Button = "B"
- Movement = D-Pad
Content Warnings are listed in-game.